Communication

Communication nowadays is amazing right. We can talk to people who live on the other side of the world. We can talk to people who don´t even speak our language, even though few meanings and intentions are lost in translation. We can have full-fledged conversations with things that are not even human, though I must say they were programmed by humans so one can definitely argue about that aspect of whom you are talking to when you talk to Siri, Alexa, or any other AI. The programmer or a completely separate entity. Nevertheless, what if I told you that we are not using our communication to its full potential. You would be surprised right. Or would you completely agree or disagree with me. Before anyone can argue with me, let me explain what I mean when I say we as a species are not using our communication to its full potential. In no way am I saying that I am an expert in conversations and communication. And those people who know me personally also know that I really like to avoid conversations altogether since I am an introverted person who can´t find the right crowd to talk with. Therefore let us talk, or in this case, I will write and you will read, about talking.

I am only 18 and I may not have experienced everything and talked to everyone. Honestly, no one will ever achieve that, at least currently that is not possible. However, I noticed a few things during my conversations with other people.

One of the main problems is that we constantly expect the other party to know everything that we know. We constantly expect to be able to have an in-depth conversation with another person about a certain subject, since otherwise, we may not have brought up that subject. Going into a conversation about a certain topic we don´t expect that we need to educate the other party about certain things. This is what leads to miscommunication. Besides, miscommunication can go both ways. In a conversation, we may not understand what the sender is talking about because we have no idea about the topic or we have no idea what position they are taking or we don´t know what they know. Some of you may be confused about what I writing here so let me give you an example.

I am talking to someone from a fencing club who I barely know besides the general information like name, age, hobbies, etc… We are talking about school, but I have no idea to which school she goes. Her description of her school sound just like my school. Therefore, I assumed that she went to my school and I just never saw her on school grounds since the school is rather big. And that was a big mistake. I assumed she knew what I am talking about and she assumed that I knew what she was talking about therefore the conversation that we held was confusing for both of us.

Therefore, in my opinion, it is always nice to know what the other person knows before talking to them so there will be no confusion or at least not expect them to know everything we know. I am not trying to say is that one should always go into a conversation without any expectations, but one should before going into a conversation consider what the other person may know and what they may not. It is hard keeping track of what one has told each individual, but one should not expect the other person to know everything you know and one should also not treat him or her as if they knew nothing. One must always find a common middle ground, which may be hard to do at first, but once you get into it, it will get easier.

Another problem in society is the fact that we barely pay attention anymore. In the past distractions was limited, since we did not have headphones, phones, etc… around to distract us from our conversation with the other person. Now in this world filled with information, we are not present in the present. Our minds are always wandering due to all the information we perceive. We may be stressed out from school or work, annoyed by a classmate or colleague, or sad from the news, but we should try to be more present especially if that person means something to you since you never know what you have until it's gone. Another reason why I believe people don´t pay attention anymore is that they may have a sense of superiority or importance therefore they ignore a few people since time is valuable (in their opinion). Honestly, those kinds of people are the worst but there are always two sides to a story, so maybe we should not be so quick to judge. 

The third problem will be the meaning behind a statement. This is somewhat related to the first problem I stated. Nowadays we get mixed signals from everyone that we talk to and we kinda just got used to it. However, mixed signals can be a problem. Some people are straightforward and get straight to the point, but the receiver may believe that he or she may need to read between the lines. Therefore, this problem is about what the sender and receiver believe the message behind a comment is. As mentioned this is somewhat related to the first problem mentioned since we assume that the message we send is exactly the message the receiver receives.

A further problem is that written and verbal messages can also be perceived differently. For example, this article was intended as a speech but got rewritten so I could post it. I had to do quite a lot of rewriting since verbally I could have emphasized certain ideas by changing my tone or speaking volume. However, now that this article is in a written form, there is no way you can hear what I stress unless I record myself reading out this article. Without tone, you can´t tell if I am for example angry, sad, happy, or even excited. Therefore, the message you pick up may be different from my intention (I hope not). Therefore, miscommunication can also happen in places where you would not expect it.

I have always preferred writing to listening since ideas on paper are harder to erase than ideas spoken. Words spoken get lost easily and cannot be confirmed or denied when asked about. Therefore, I always preferred the written word. However, there is also another reason why I prefer writing. Some people are poor incoherent speakers and I count myself amongst them. Sometimes minds are filled with so many ideas that the words that come out later are just an unstructured mess. Moreover, the speaking voice is of uttermost importance. When you are too quiet the receiver may not understand you properly and messages get lost or one has to repeat oneself constantly. There is also the opposite effect when you are too loud. People may not want to speak with you, since you, can´t be discreet. Another problem may be the pronunciation itself. For example, one does not stress the right words or pronunciation is completely wrong, etc…. The message behind a statement may be lost because the receiver is constantly correcting the sender and can´t pay attention to the actual message behind the statement. There is also the use of acronyms. Some people within a group can use acronyms and code words to increase efficiency. However, when they are not talking within that group they still may use those acronyms and this may confuse other people.

These are just a few examples of how conversation nowadays is not efficient, as we would want them to be.  We may be able to talk to people around the world in real-time and in a language, which is completely foreign to us. However, there are a few aspects of our communication culture that may be confusing or irritating and could take the attention away from the actual message behind a speech or conversation. These problems won´t go away overnight. Therefore, we should not be so quick to judge when someone is, for example, incoherent or misunderstanding since as mentioned the issue can be on both sides. To make the world a more understanding place, we can certainly try to ask people to elaborate on their ideas and statements, instead of judging or arguing. To increase the efficiency of our communication one should not be judging and more understanding.