Likes and dislikes

       I know the graphic and the title do not say the same thing; it is an editing mistake that I could not be bothered to change.

There are a few things out there I do not know or understand. Whom am I kidding? There is a ton load of things I do not understand and maybe never will understand. Amongst which may include complex topics like quantum mechanics or international warfare. However, there is also the other end of the spectrum. That side of the spectrum has more trivial things like my likes and dislikes. It is funny to me that I do not quite know what I like or dislike. Some people even make liking something or disliking another seem easy. However, just simply liking or disliking something does not come easy to me. To the extent where I am not even sure I understand why.

Before I get into my thoughts revolving around likes and dislikes, we should probably understand why we like or dislike something. I am not going to get into the psychology behind liking and disliking since again I am not a psychologist. However, I did spend some time thinking about the reason I might like certain things and dislike some other things. Of course, my reason for liking and disliking something may be different from yours, just saying. My reasons for liking something is that the thing is interesting, pleasant, enjoyable, etc… My reasons for disliking something is that the thing is harmful, distasteful, scary, etc… Likes and dislikes are dependent on personal preferences, experience and knowledge therefore everyone likes and dislikes are different. Your preferences, experience and knowledge change over time and so will your likes and dislikes.

I don´t believe that we should let our likes and dislikes define who we are. Certain likes and dislikes are as mentioned temporary and can change over time. More importantly, we tend to stay away from things we dislike and lean towards things we like. However, that can have some negative consequences. Of course, there are also positive consequences with our “avoid dislikes and embrace likes” mindset. However, what if your dislikes are essential for your survival. Constantly dreading something that you need is not the best mindset to go with. Alternatively, your likes could hurt you. Again, this is not the best mindset. Believe it or not, your dislikes are keeping you away from liking that thing. For example, you know that you hate driving since you had a car accident once. You don´t like to get behind the wheel again since you fear that the accident will happen again. However, if you don´t practice your driving you are more prone to accidents. Of course, you could say that you will just take the bus or ask a friend. However, some things are not avoidable and disliking them is just making your fears come true.

A question that comes to my mind when talking about likes and dislikes is ‘how do we know what we like or dislike if we don´t know it?’ Many people I have met said that they dislike certain things even though they have never experienced them in the past. I am not talking about significant things like some forms of government or inequality since even without experiencing those you know that those are not good and should not be liked. When I talk about people who dislike things they never experienced, I am talking about rather trivial things like interest or preferences since people prefer small talk. It is just a bit unfair that people judge without experiencing it first. But that is a topic for another day.

The time where I need to know my likes and dislikes, the most is when I am socializing with complete strangers, which I rarely do. I find myself needing to know myself since the stranger wants to know me. That is the point in my life where I realize I do not know who I am but that is a story for another day. Honestly trusting that stranger is a completely different story as well. Either way, I believe the small talk allows you to get to know the other person better. They ask basic questions to which the answers can be found in your passport and on your CV. Like your birthday, your hometown and your higher-level courses. In other words more factual things about yourself. There is not much one can do to change those facts. Then comes the none factual questions about likes and dislikes. I am not even sure why I have to stop and think about this since my likes and dislikes should be obvious, right? Maybe I stutter because I have trust issues or the more noteworthy reason can be that I just do not know what I like or dislike.

Of course, there are obvious likes and dislikes. For example, I dislike (this is a light way of putting it) gender discrimination. Or I like racial equality. Those likes and dislikes are based on social norms, justice, ethics and morality. However today I wanted to focus on the insignificant likes and dislikes or in other words personal likes and dislikes.

I might have touched upon this in the paragraph above but likes and dislikes are dependent on so many factors and are never really set in stone, which means they are variables that you can change. Take for instance my favourite dish. Some days I would say that I like risotto just to make the answer short and make the nosy questioner shut up. On other days when I am more patient, I would argue that I don’t have a favourite dish since there so many aspects that one can consider.

For instance, how can someone just choose one favourite dish when there is a whole variety of dishes out there that could be my favourite? Sometimes the liking or disliking for a certain dish can be momentary or permeant. An example of permeant dislike is that I refuse to eat anything coconut related since there was this one mishap once. I used to like coconut related dishes in the past but that one experience really made me change my mind.  An example of a momentary dislike can be that I ate a dish way too often in the past few months therefore I am sick of it for the moment even though I do not completely hate it.

Then there are the more specific details. For example, who cooked it?  If it is just a stranger on the street who cooked my favourite meal then I will certainly hesitate since it just seems a bit shady. I might momentarily dislike the dish that the stranger just cooked since the dish might not look appetizing. Or I could only like the dish when my grandma cooks. Another factor to consider is how it is cooked. I am a very sensitive picky eater, which just means I will not like a meal unless it is cooked just how I like it. For an unspecific reason, I found out that, one could taste the difference between a dish prepared by an amateur cook and an experienced cook. The expert knows how to make the flavours stand out, which is greatly appreciated.

Another aspect to consider is the emotional significance of a dish. One will certainly dislike a certain dish more if there is a negative memory attached to that dish and vice versa. I know this is being overly dramatic but imagine that on your first date with your significant other, you had a simple potato salad. The brain will automatically form an unconscious connotation between your significant other and that potato salad. You may develop a certain liking towards potato salad because it reminds you of your significant other. That is until you have a stronger connotation that replaces that previous connotation. Then you may have a certain dislike towards the same potato salad you used to like in the past.

Some people may argue that the factors I just mentioned are temporary likes and dislikes but I could argue otherwise. For example, repeated mishaps during the cooking of the meal or one bad experience could lead to a permanent dislike of that meal one used to like. There are plenty of other reasons why the liking of a dish can correlate with small trivial details like that. In the previous paragraphs, I just mentioned a few examples that influence my liking and disliking of certain dishes.

Under normal circumstances when people ask me about my personal likes and dislikes about superficial preferences, then I would just throw out the first coherent thing that comes to my mind. For example, someone asks me about my favourite flower then I would tell him or her I like hibiscus flowers or cherry blossoms. For simplicity sake, I would not mention that I also like roses, lavender, plumeria and many others. Also for simplicity sake, I would not mention that I do not like every variant of the flowers I just mentioned since there are tons of factors that come into play here as well, like the colour or the state of the flower. I assume that many people are not interested in the reason someone likes or dislikes something; they just want to know that one thing and move on. However, if I can´t really explain my reason behind my likes and dislikes, I just feel as if words are left unsaid and something is wrong with my answer. Therefore, I would rather not say what I like or dislike since people generally just want to know the thing and not the reason behind the thing.

Another reason I don´t quite like to talk about my likes and dislikes is the reason that there are only those two words to use when talking about likes and dislikes. You either like or dislike it. I am not talking about everything in-between like and dislike but it just sometimes feels like that, the words like and dislike does not do the things you like and dislike justice. Again, many people don´t want to know about this when asking about my likes and dislikes but the severity of my likes and dislikes may vary from thing to thing. For me liking and disliking is not grouping things into black and white, but for me, it is a ranking. For example, if a person asks me if I like the beach, I would under normal circumstances answer yes. Then if the person asks me if I like the city, I would also answer yes but the thing is that I like the beach more than I like the city. It just does not feel right to use the same word to describe two different things. I like beaches more than cities but there is no way I can express that by using only one word.

Honestly, I prefer to tell people about experiences and facts about myself rather than preferences and opinions. There is just a sense of security when talking about facts since it is hard to change your birthday or the schools you went to. I constantly have a nagging feeling that my likes and dislikes will be judged and criticized. While my experiences on the other hand will be understood and accepted. I also believe that my experiences are more valuable than my likes and dislikes since experience never change but likes and dislikes regularly do. It just is frustrating to constantly remind people that I no longer like that thing since my likes and dislikes change constantly. Then there are the people who will only remember you by your most childish likes and dislikes that are no longer true. I just feel as if telling people about my likes and dislikes is just a waste of effort and time.

In conclusion, (‘in conclusion’ makes it sound like I am in school again) likes and dislikes are dependent on multiple factors such as knowledge and experience. Whenever someone asks me about my likes and dislikes I would normally throw out the first comprehensible thing or consider tons of options before answering. I hate that I cannot explain the reason behind my choices and that I have to make a choice in the first place. Last but not least, I prefer to talk about something that is not very variable and we should not let our likes and dislikes dictate our lives. (My teachers would have hated this conclusion). Thank you for reading a roughly two thousand-word essay about likes and dislikes I do not quite like.