Volunteering - Why it confuses me

Photo by Anna Shvets (Pexels)

I know what you are thinking. “Why does volunteering confuse you?” Well, I do know what volunteering is as a concept. However, I just don’t understand why I keep going back. In no way am I saying that volunteering is a bad way to pass your time but I just don’t understand why I actually enjoy doing it.

This is what I will be trying to explain to myself in this article. Nevertheless, it would make the most sense if I started from the very beginning of my volunteering journey. From the first time to currently the last time. Then maybe I can explain why I am wanting to keep doing more.

My experience as a volunteer

The first time I remember to be volunteering was when I was in school around the age of eleven. Of course, before that, I might have volunteered once or twice but it was never a long time commitment rather a one-time job hence I do not have a vivid memory of it.

Another factor that played into my belief that I started volunteering at the age of eleven was the fact that I could not differentiate between just helping out and volunteering. Being a child just means being oblivious to the smallest differences.

My first “official” volunteering job was when I was eleven and the school library was looking for volunteers to help. It was nothing important. The job just entailed sorting books back into the bookshelves, helping people find books and decorating the library for seasonal occasions.

A reason why I started volunteering there is that I knew the librarian since she is my friend´s mother and my mother was also her friend. Another reason, which motivated me to start, is simply because I was bored and I refused to hang out with my classmates during lunch break.

I volunteered at the library for a total of two years before I moved. During my time there, I have memorized the system used to sort the books and crafted tons of decorations for the library. It was fun and the librarians even threw a small pizza party in the library at the end of the year as a thank you.

In England, I don’t believe I actively volunteered anywhere even at the cake bake sale. That year, I was in no way being selfish. I just needed some time to adjust to this new school and environment. Relearn etiquette and slang. When I finally adjusted to this new culture, we moved again.

In Germany, I started volunteering only a year after moving there. Again, just like England, the first year was all about adjusting to the new environment. Even though Germany was a second home to me, it still took some time to know the people and places.

In the middle of my second school year in Germany, I started volunteering as a blogger for the school blog. (I already wrote an article about that so I am not going to get into it.) On the one hand, it was considered an extracurricular; on the other I considered it to be a volunteering job. The reason behind it? Definitions.

According to the definition of extracurricular is ‘(an activity at a school or college) pursued in addition to the normal course of study.’ Writing for the school blog did not teach me anything new in the sense of education and I freely undertook the tasks of writing articles (and I was not paid).

There are also some organizations looking for volunteer writers so I would certainly argue that my contributions to the school blog were voluntary and not an extracurricular even though my report card would beg to differ but that is not the point.

A year later, I volunteered at a computer lab for seniors (as in the elderly). My tasks included teaching seniors how to use computers and help them with IT-related problems. The experience the seniors had with computers and technology, in general, were not extensive so my job was relatively easy.

Volunteering at the computer lab helped me refresh my IT skills but most importantly, it helped me to give back to the older generations. Helping the seniors learn their way around computers was a great pastime and a great way to bond with the older generation.

In the past, it just felt like that, there was a barrier separating my generation from the older generation. The computer lab just helped to break down that invisible barrier in my opinion and from my experience, I can only say that seniors have interesting stories and great advice.

The reason I stopped volunteering there was a reason I was not fond of since I enjoyed my time there. However, I did need to focus on my studies and make sure I pass my exams. It felt selfish to quit like that (at least I had a guilty feeling doing so) but I had to do what I had to do.

This brings me to recently. Ever since 2019, I did not do a lot of volunteering. I did help out here and there but it was just temporary one-time jobs. Then came 2020. It was lockdown after lockdown, which meant there are not many organizations that needed help. Moreover, I was starting university.

Starting university in 2020 was already hard enough as it is I did not want more on my plate. This year, 2021. Corona regulations are loosening and I am starting to get the hang of university (so I believe). That is the reason why I wanted to start volunteering again.

Reasons for volunteering

This just brings me to my confusion. The reason why I adore volunteering in the first place. To understand that, I may have to lay out my reasons why I volunteer in the first place. Some reasons may sound selfless and some may sound a bit selfish.

Boredom

One of the main reasons I volunteer is to fight boredom. It may sound selfish when I say I am only helping out because I have nothing better to do but that is what it is. However, I can´t imagine a better way to spend my time.

Turns out boredom is what charitable organizations need for more voluntary participants.

Experience

Sometimes I volunteer to help myself gain more experience or develop existing skills in certain fields. Along the way, I may be helping the community in one way or another but the motivation to start is just misplaced, which leaves me with a guilty feeling to volunteer.

Volunteering is also a great way to find out if a certain job is something for you since volunteering did give me an insight into certain jobs. Even though now I know I do not want to work as a librarian or full-time elderly assistant, I still can say that I learnt many skills that may come in handy later.

Necessity

Another reason I may be volunteering is simply that I have to. Sometimes it is not a choice to volunteer but rather an obligation whether it is for school or someplace else to achieve a certain voluntary time for the next assignment.

Pad out a CV

The last reason I could think of is volunteering as a way to pad out my CV. Since I know I am young and do not have many job experiences or achievements under my belt, I just needed a way to compensate. Confidently, I can say that I found it.

From what I have heard, employers like future employees-to-be who are engaged in volunteering since it shows dedication and community-mindedness. However, in my case, it just feels as if I am not volunteering for the right reasons.

Reasons for Volunteering (After some research)

Since I can´t think of any other not selfish reasons why I volunteer I decided to search online for other reasons. In my defence, I did not think of these reasons because I believe these reasons are overshadowed by the selfish reasons that motivated me to volunteer.

Helping

One of the main reasons people decide to volunteer is because they want to help others. A way to give back to people who may be less fortunate or need help after a few decades. In other words, a way to help the community and inadvertently improving it.

The reason, I did not state that as one of the reasons is simply because I find this reason a bit condescending. Part of me believes that I am only helping because I feel guilty for being fortunate in life. To fight this guilt, I am helping the less fortunate or people who can´t help themselves even though that can´t be further from the truth. (Sound weird, I know.)

Meet new people

Volunteering is a great way to meet new people with different backgrounds especially if you are in a brand new city or country in which you do not know many people. Maybe volunteering may even help you bond and make new friendships that last a lifetime, you will never know unless you try.

The reason, I did not mention this as one of the reasons I volunteer is because it never occurred to me. In the library and school blog, I worked with people I already knew. I may have learnt more about them but that was it. As for the computer lab, nothing against elderlies but I have a hard time relating to their idea of fun. The people I met during my voluntary work are great people but sadly people I lost touch with.

Personal growth

A result of volunteering is often personal growth. One can gain more confidence or self-esteem. Now looking back, I believe that volunteering has brought me out of my shell and made me more open to new experiences.

Just talking to these people (who I know for sure have no ill intent) help me realize that there are still good people in this world. That in its own way helped my confidence grow and helped me calm my paranoid side, which believes that everyone wants to harm me.

I did not think of this reason because I personally did not realize the effects of volunteering. Other things could have contributed to personal growth as well, so personal growth due to volunteering is hard to measure. Nevertheless, one cannot deny the effects volunteering has on people.

Time away

In this world, it is nice to take a break from busy schedules and give back to the community. Not only does that leave the volunteer with a great sense of accomplishment but it also takes one´s mind away from the stresses of the world.

As for the reasons I did not think of this reason is that I used volunteering as a way to fight boredom and I did not feel the need to get away from my mundane world. Hence, volunteering is not a small-time getaway for me.

Sense of community

Last but not least, volunteering creates this sense of community that many feel is missing in this interconnected world. Volunteers who work together for the greater good will feel part of a team and this can make many feel valued. This inadvertently helps self-esteem grow.

I did not think of this reason because when I volunteered, I did not need to work with the other volunteers for the greater good even though there was a team. The feeling of being part of a team was still there nonetheless.

The reason for my confusion

I don’t understand why I like volunteering this much since (this may sound selfish but) I am not getting anything out of this (besides the things I stated in the reasons). I was, I am and I will be putting in time and effort for something that won´t be widely acknowledged and paid. Some part of me just does not understand how a person can like that.

Moreover, I am confused by my adoration for volunteering since I don’t consider myself a helpful person. In the past when I helped, it always felt as if I have done a disservice since the people are always complaining. It just seems contra-productive in my opinion to volunteer if one is not being helpful.

I am fully aware that the complaints do not reflect on my ability to help and the relief I have provided by helping. However, again, children are very impressionable and meaningless snide comments may have bigger impacts than what the adult intended.

In addition, I don’t consider myself a nice person who do things out of the goodness in their hearts. As I have established above, I volunteer for rather self-centred reasons and helping the community is just a very fortunate by-product.

The reason for painting myself as a villain is simply that I have been told repeatedly that I am not this idyllic nice person. I do certain things with the pure intention to harm or mislead people. A volunteer should do the opposite so I believe I am not cut out to be a volunteer.

However, after growing up, I realize that good and bad is not black and white but rather a spectrum. In addition, I found out that good and bad are arguable concepts that can take on many different forms. Long story short, good and bad should not determine someone´s worth and their ability to be a volunteer.

Part of my confusion is fuelled by this wrong perception of myself. The idea that atrocious people like the person who I believed myself to be cannot be helpful and do certain things without a reason but simply out of the goodness of their hearts.

Understanding why I volunteer

I am confused by my affinity for volunteering simply because of this wrong perception that crummy unhelpful people cannot cherish volunteering. Nevertheless, after looking back in time and laying out my reasons I volunteer, I believe that the wrong idea that only a certain type of person can volunteer I had can´t be more wrong.

I enjoy volunteering because I adore the expression I get from the people I have helped. I adore the feeling I get when I am helping others and sharing my knowledge. I adore the people I get to meet and the backstories I get to hear.

I don’t need a reason to volunteer but feeling great about myself and defying this dreadful image I have made for myself is a damn good reason to volunteer. In addition, not getting anything out of it besides the experience just makes me value each moment more.