After School
It has been nearly two years since I graduate secondary school and now is probably a good time to reflect since it is not too soon for me to bias about everything or too late for me to remember anything.
When I was in school all I could think about is how I want to get out of that place, how I can start my life afterwards, how it can only go upwards from there. Now that I finally made it out, it just feels unsettling. Somehow, I really want to go back to school but at the same time, I do not want to go back to that place ever again. Maybe it is the familiarity that is so appealing since now everything is new and now one will have to get used to the new normal whether it is going to university or working.
Now looking back at school, I can only say that it was twelve years of my life where I did something. Every school day just seemed a bit bland and each day blended with the other days. In other words, the school was not quite as memorable as I thought it would be.
I mean I have met great (and terrible) people at school, but we mostly fell out of touch. I have learnt a lot of important (and not so important) things but forgotten some of them already. I remember the good (and the bad) times at school but nothing really stuck to me.
Don´t get me wrong, I did not throw everything I have learnt out the window the moment I left school. However, I don´t know. A lot of things I have learnt are at the end just fun facts that you can spit out at a moment’s notice because the teachers wanted me to know everything inside out.
To me, the school was an obligation. A place where I need to be. Sometimes school felt to a certain extent like jail because you can´t get out of it. At the same time school was a place where I can set my competitive spirit free, especially in PE.
School was a place where I could meet new people that I will only know for that school career time frame. School was an institution that would help you discover the world. School was just something so odd and I have no idea how to describe it.
After going to university for a year, I guess I just miss how the people care. During my time in school, it felt a tad annoying how the teachers will breathe down your neck when you are doing the tasks and hunt you down for the homework you are only supposed to hand in tomorrow.
At university, the professors don’t care. They don’t care if you fail or drop out. They don’t care if you pass or succeed. They will not follow up on something you are concerned about. They help you once and it seems that they immediately forget you after.
However, the university gives you the freedom that you longed for during your time in school. The freedom to think outside of the box that schools sometimes suppress. The freedom to plan your day and schedule however you like and not according to anyone. The freedom to walk free without the feeling of being monitored by the teachers.
Sometimes I wish I could just go back to school to thank the teachers for everything they have done and taught me. For every time they made me smile and laugh. For every moment they surprised us by breaking the strict teacher stereotype. For every day they just sat there and explained everything thoroughly for the thousandth time.
Concurrently, I always want them to know that they don’t know everything and should pretend not pretend as they do. We are humans and we don’t know everything and that is completely fine. Sometimes I wish the teachers would just relax a bit and enjoy teaching. Enjoy their job more. I know we don’t make it easy but we are still growing and learning so they must be doing something right.
Some other times I wish I could meet up with my former classmates and thank them for making my time with them memorable and more fun than I thought it could be. I wish I could bring some friends back together and talk about the fun we used to have.
At the same time, I would like to condemn my classmates for the headaches they cause. For the unpleasant memories they were apart and the cause of. For the times I wished they did not exist and did not just do the stupid thing they just did.
It is just weird not seeing the people you used to see every day. It is just weird thinking that you will always stay in touch and not doing so. It is just that life moves on without what seemed like an integral part of your life.
If I could go back to the time, I was about to leave school, I would try and hold on to the people I want to be friends with in the future. If I could go back in time, I would want to let go of the people who only plagued my life, but I won´t let go because of low self-esteem.
Even though being out of school seems like the end of a twelve-year long tunnel, it is just the beginning. Thinking back just seems odd to me because I never thought I would see the end of that twelve-year long tunnel, just like how I can´t see the end of that university tunnel.
The end of my time in school was nothing like I anticipated and hoped for. For instance, no one could have predicted that a deadly virus would be taking a world tour, attempting to visit everyone at least once on every stop on its world tour.
Another thing is that I thought I would get better grades, have more friends to celebrate with, do something really big. However, graduation (the end of a really long twelve years) just started and ended like that. I guess that is the reason why I writing this article. I never got closure. Never got to say goodbye.
Even if I did have a chance to say goodbye, I would not know what to say because how can you say goodbye to something that lasted so long? How can you say goodbye to the people who helped you on the way and who you are grateful for? How can you say goodbye to the friends and classmates you wanted to keep in touch with?
Short answer, you can´t. However, forevermore, I would hold onto the time in school while studying at a university. Forevermore, I would think of the fun times I shared with the people on the way while making memories with the people who are on the way with me now. Forevermore, I would not forget the torment otherwise known as school while living through the struggle known as university.
In a sense of the way, this is it. Goodbye to my time in school. I can´t wait to write this kind of letter about my time at university. I am looking forward to seeing my school and teachers one last time but if I don’t that is fine as well. I guess I am just ecstatically anticipating the end of the ten years university tunnel while waving goodbye to the last one I have been in.