Facts of life
Recently, when my mind was drifting, it drifted in a direction that carries rather a lot of shame and embarrassment for me and many more women. Frankly, I was reluctant when it came to writing this article since I was not sure if I should.
However, then it occurred to me that I understand more about chemistry and how atoms are structured in a molecule and why they behave in the way they behave than I do about my own body which just seems so contra intuitive on so many levels.
There are many things in the world I could not, should not or would not understand but how my own body works shouldn’t be amongst those things I don’t understand. Not only does understanding make one more self-aware but it is also an opportunity to improve current lifestyles.
Therefore, I am going to step out of my comfort zone for a moment and write about it. Frankly, I have no idea where this article is going to lead, and it is going to be unstructured. You have been warned. So as Salt-N-Pepa once said, and I quote “Let's Talk About Sex”.
Sex Ed was part of the curriculum of the schools I have been to. In other words, I have had “the sex talk” twice because of switching schools. Or in other words, I am glad that I did not have to have “the sex talk” with my parents because that would have gotten real awkward real quick.
It is not as if my parents did not care since they do care but they relied on the fact that the school would do a decent job just like most parents did. My parents knew that the school would do a better job of explaining than they could.
For instance, my parents understand the basic concept of reproduction but that is pretty much it. The biology teacher who was coincidentally also a sex ed teacher can go into more detail about what exactly happens in the human body before, during and after reproduction.
Just like my parents expected the schools I have been to did a pretty decent job in explaining how children are conceived and how sexuality differs. In one school, the biology teacher even brought dildos so we could practice how to properly put on a condom for future reference.
That lesson was a bit uncomfortable for many because it just felt odd. For many, it was probably the first time talking about how a condom works and much less the first time that we had to try it ourselves.
Besides learning how to use a condom in that class, what stuck with me from that lesson was a saying my biology teacher at that time repeated over and over again. That saying was coitus is between both partners.
Therefore, the biology teacher found it of uttermost importance to teach both the boys and the girls how to properly put on a condom. Of course, the biology teacher did not forget to mention other birth control methods since it turns out it is pretty important to remind teenagers of their options.
The lesson I somehow understood most was the development stages of the baby after pregnancy. Just like many things from school, I forgot what symptoms come with each stage of pregnancy but I can remember the development which I found fascinating. (Watch the video for more information).
That is pretty much all the sex talk we had in school and that is pretty much all you need to know from your teachers because a “sex talk” beyond the facts and the biological inner workings of a human is just awkward, especially with a teacher.
However, all the lessons in the world did not prepare me for puberty. You can read all the books in the world if you want to but when the time truly comes, the learnt information just doesn’t seem to apply in real life.
I still can remember the day when my first period came as if it was yesterday. That faithful day, I was at school and during PE I felt an uncomfortable tummy ache. It felt different from the other times I had a stomachache.
The stomachache persisted even after I got home. In the lavatory, I suddenly saw blood in my urine and I began to panic because at that moment I completely forgot that puberty was a thing. I did not know what to do at that moment and bleeding out just makes many panic.
Luckily for me, my mother was at home and explained that my period came. She helped me with the clean-up, pads, underwear, etc… That day was the worst day of my life. Every period after the first felt like a dread.
If it weren’t for my mother being there for me, I would have had no idea what to do and how to use pads (something I consider straightforward now). I mean I could have read the books but I wouldn’t have understood shit since I am more of a practical girl.
Periods for me are a dread. The first few times, it is scary, and I had no idea what to do even though I practised. After a while you kind of just get used to the fact that you bleed out every month or so but still... dreadful. They are especially a dread if you didn’t prepare or it comes irregularly.
During that period, my head feel dizzy and light all day. My stomach will cause some problems. There would be a lot of blood which is not a pretty sight. Mood swings and irritability are expected but still an issue each time. My hair would become greasy and hard to style. My skin will become oily and break out. I would be in the worst mood possible since I can´t do my hair properly.
Since half of the population probably has no idea what exactly I am talking about, I somehow felt obligated to go into the details to depict the pains of a period. However, since I am not going into the biological details, I found a video that describes it perfectly.
As we all do, we just find ways to cope with periods and make it a little more bearable. Personally, I like to take things slow during my period, but everyone has their own coping mechanism. Let´s just leave it at periods being a pain in the ass (quite literally) and leave it at that.
If the period doesn’t come then the other option is pregnancy, which does not seem to be a more pleasant option than the period. I have read the reports and books and for the record, I would take on a period any day over a pregnancy lasting at least nine months.
Nevertheless, to get into a pregnancy one has to get pregnant first and this is where things will get uncomfortable. Not only because talking about sex publicly is frowned upon for reasons I don’t fully understand but I also have no idea how sex works (as in I am still a virgin).
Statistically, people lose their virginity between 15 and 22 depending on where one is from. Therefore, I am somewhat pushing the limit with being a virgin at 20. Nevertheless, I don’t see virginity as something to preserve, I just see it as a lack of experience.
To me, virginity is also not something that can be taken by anyone. You technically can´t prove if anyone is a virgin. And if anyone says the hymen is proof of virginity, I would suggest opening up a biology book because that is not how the hymen works and certainly not what a hymen is for in the first place.
Virginity is just a social construct. Frankly, the term virgin is used to describe a sexually inexperience woman but as time passes the word virginity has also evolved to mean something else. Therefore, I don’t see virginity as a bad nor good thing.
Since I am not bound by religion or any sort of tradition, I am just waiting for the right one to come along but given my current state, I don’t believe I have time to look for the right one and make sure that he is the right one, so… virginity will stay with me for some more time.
Being a virgin doesn’t mean that one has never had sex before. It just means that one has never had sex with another person before. In other words, since I am a bit tired of beating around the bush, I am talking about masturbation, a form of solo sex.
Frankly, I have no idea why I always hate to admit that I masturbate from time to time. Masturbation is not only a good way to feel good but also a good way to learn about your own body in ways the school will never teach you.
For instance, when I first started masturbation at the age of 14 (I guess) I know what felt good but I never really understood why it felt good since the school never teaches this kind of stuff. Somehow I needed to learn by myself that sex is more than vaginal penetration for women.
To be fair, I don’t believe I need to mention that masturbation is a safer option for sex since one doesn’t really have to worry about STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Infections are not completely off the table when it comes to masturbation but if you clean everything before and after it should be fine.
When I first started masturbation, I had no idea what I was doing. I did not quite know that I was masturbating when I did. It is a case of not being able to put a name to the action. However, I did not care as long as it felt good.
Only quite recently, I learnt about what was happening. With the release of endorphins and why those endorphins are released in the first place. In my opinion that is where sex ed in school is a bit lacking since this is sex plays a part in sex ed as well as the pregnancies that happen after.
I somehow get why sex is such a big taboo that teachers are tiptoeing around but I don’t understand why people are ashamed of sex. Nobody should be shamed for having sex or enjoying sex. To a certain extent, sex is just a primal instinct that we pursue.
For the record, I understand why people won´t share their bedroom secrets with the whole world. I just don’t understand why many just feel ashamed whether it is about their periods, sex or masturbation.
Frankly, I just don’t think something natural like the period or a desire should be shameful. It is natural and everyone experiences it at least once in their lifetimes. It is just a bit sad that society made many people feel ashamed of something rather natural.
To be honest, I fell right into that trap as well. Whenever my period would come, I would feel ashamed that I feel sick, that I constantly need to run to the lavatory, and that I can´t function like I normally do.
To be fair, other things embarrass me as well. For instance, I am embarrassed by the fact that I really enjoy adult romance novels. And I am not sure why exactly I am embarrassed, I just know that I just am and that is just bloody weird.
In this sex-positive decade, I believe that we should accept all bodies and their kinks. If people have preferences, it is none of your forking business. We should be able to talk about sex more freely and not be ashamed of who we are once in a while.
As for sex ed in school, I believe they also need to pay attention to the emotional side of sex and not only the biological. Since pure reproduction is not as pleasurable as sex. Times have changed and so should how we see sex as a society.