Online Dating Pt. 1

 Photo by Cottonbro (Pexels)

Not so long ago, I was bored on my vacation and decided to give online dating a try. Trust me, this is as impulsive as my decisions go. However, after my private self decided that it was a security issue, my science self decided that this could be a really interesting experiment.

For me, science always takes precedence over security any day which is just stupid in my opinion since security should never come in after anything. However, since I was way too deep at that point, I decided to not give a crap.

For simplicity's sake, I decided to go with the free option since currently I don’t have the money to spare for the premium options (in other words I don’t want to spare that money) and I was just curious as to the people I can find for free (that sounds wrong but you know what I mean).

The first question was which dating app. Since the market nowadays is just flooded with dating apps it is hard to choose. Sometimes the choice of dating apps is important since it contributes to the general online dating experience therefore it was important to find the right one.

From sources, I heard that there are plenty of dating apps out there, you just got to find the one for you, which is ridiculous. There is already plenty of fish in the sea that I can choose from. I don’t want to spend time testing every single dating app as well.

Frankly, the dating apps popular in America are not always the dating apps that are popular in Germany. This poses an issue since I am not reading the German media as the American. Therefore, I had to find one that is popular in Germany and America for simplicity's sake.

From rankings, I read that an app called Hinge is a pretty good dating app. The first thing that popped into my mind was I never heard of that dating app and trust me I heard of a lot of dating apps. If I haven´t heard of it, it will be likely that not many other people have.

The second thing that popped into my mind was that (no offence to the developers) that hinge is a weird name for a dating app. The definition of hinge is a movable joint or mechanism on which a door, gate, or lid swings as it opens and closes, or which connects linked objects. I mean I get it but it's just a un and d away from being unhinged.

From rumours, I heard that Tinder is the best of the best and at the same time the worst of the worst. Let's just leave it at there are a lot of people on that platform and a whole lot more inappropriate behaviour.

Frankly, I never used Tinder before but from the word on the street and some recommendations from friends, I am going to say that I will not want to use it in the future even if the company is taking steps toward a more appropriate environment.

From advertisements, I saw that Bumble is a pretty popular dating app. I don’t know why but Bumble just spoke to me because you can also find friends on that app which is a pretty important feature for me. If dating does not work out, you can always fall back on your friends.

It does not have as many complaints as tinder but it is also known enough, unlike hinge. Therefore, I would have a broad enough spectrum of users with the least amount of complication. Sounded too good to be true so I downloaded the app and signed up.

This is where I need to disclose that this is not sponsored by Bumble. I am just a curious individual who has too much time on her hands (because of semester vacation), and I wanted to test out the date and BFF function and see where that leads me.

First, I read the reviews before I downloaded that app even though I know that reviews nowadays do not mean shirt anymore. However, out of curiosity, I wanted to know what people had to say about that app. It was fine. No red flags but also nothing special. So onto the next step.

Hesitantly, I downloaded the app because my private self was still screaming at me to stop. Let us just say she doesn’t like to share a lot of information, especially on the internet since sometimes that is more trouble than it's worth.

After downloading it, I spent some time setting up my profile. Writing down basic details about myself. Noting my likes and dislikes. Mentioning my preferences. Thinking of ways to write the prompts and bios which was encouraged to write. Chose pictures of myself. Etc…etc…

Choosing six pictures of me was the hardest part since I wanted to show my “authentic” self without any filters (since filters are just tacky and overused nowadays). Eventually, I found six that did not show too much of my face (because of privacy) but also made me look good.

I had a little bit of fun when I was writing my bio and prompts since I don’t want to take this experiment and myself too seriously. Honestly, I had a little fun when setting up this whole thing because I was encouraged to be my true self and my true self is just as snarky as they come.

Besides, I read that you can make yourself more memorable by standing out from the crowd. Most people on dating are honest as heck (if they are serious with this whole relationship thing) which means most don’t crack jokes on their profile.

On my profile, I try to be as vague as possible when it comes to personal details. For instance, where I graduated from and where I work since that is the least, I can do for my very information-sensitive self who hates this idea.

Just like that my profile was set up. And just like that, you can start swiping and looking for a match… if you have your location turned on. It probably goes without saying that I don’t have my location on most of the time except for the times I am lost in a different town.

What makes this whole thing a tad irritating is that I only set up my profile for the BFF feature of bumble but there were still things I needed to do to finish my date profile on the app. Which irritated me a bit since my bio and prompts can be used for BFF and date.

I mean sure I understand what you want your profile to say when you are looking for a friend should be different from the profile for your date. But couldn’t the pictures stay the same? I only have that many good pictures I would share of myself.

Therefore, I had to go through the whole process again. Noting my interests. Mentioning my preferences. Thinking of ways to write the prompts and bios which was encouraged to write. Choosing pictures of myself. Etc…etc…

The prompts for the date were a little bit more personal than the ones for the friend. This, again, is understandable but if it gets to lovey-dovey I will turn towards jokes and make sarcastic comments which may seem flamboyant (which can be seen as good or bad with nothing in between).

After pondering for a while since I still did not switch on location on my phone, I start to wonder if I want to meet new people and what the people I meet online would be like. With profiles set up, it is just an on-switch away from happening.

If I can be frank, I am a tad reluctant to switch on locations since I do not feel comfortable with people knowing me and where I am without me knowing them. It is no secret at this point that I have somewhat severe trust issues and I try to hide that fact with sarcasm and irony.

My parents raised me to be cautious online since people online are as good as anonymous. You don’t know if you are really talking to the people you think you are talking to since they can use fake names and fake pictures to seem real, so you never really know.

Then there is the issue of catfishing (the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona). Let´s just say that online dating has a bad reputation, and my hesitancies are not misplaced.

Nevertheless, relationships are all about taking risks, so I am throwing some caution to the wind and letting my private self sit in the backseat for the next time. It is time to let science take over this fun experiment of mine.

Before I switch on locations, I also wanted to write down what I believe people on dating platforms are like because we all have some kind of perception of people using dating apps and I wanted to see if perception changes when you are amongst them.

When it came to friends, I am expecting a lot of people who genuinely like to meet some new people and maybe even become friends. Since thus far, I haven´t heard a bad thing about online befriending sites. Maybe it is just less known than online dating.

Even though I shouldn’t base everything on hearsay, I believe it to be true. Since when it comes to friends, intimacy is off the table which means no horny I-don’t-know-how-olds would ever want to sign onto those sites when dating sites are just one click away. At least that is my explanation.

As for dates, I am somewhat expecting halfway decent and genuine guys and maybe some black sheep. Since Bumble allows women to make the first move, which means those rather desperate and horny guys are probably using other apps because they can´t wait for others to make the first move.

To be fair, I am scared to find people on that platform that I know in real life because that would just be somewhat awkward in my opinion. They will know that I am on the platform as well which just makes everything more awkward. I don’t know why but it just seems weird even if online dating has been normalized.

If I can be perfectly frank, I don’t know what to expect when it comes to either friends or dates because I am basing this on logic and rumours. Most of the time logic combined with rumours does not make an accurate explanation of real life.

Therefore, I am a bit lost since I don’t know what to expect and going in blind was never my strong suit. Frankly, I am a planner and any situation I cannot plan is a situation I would avoid which in this case is not possible since I am in too deep and far too curious.

For what is worth, all I can do is hope for the best since there are so many things that can go wrong with this experiment but there are also so many things that can go right with this experiment. Maybe I will even be open to new friends or dates.

My point is that I will not know until I give it a try. But if I do give it a try, I am throwing so much I have learnt over the years out the window just for the slightest chance of a match and a good experience report on something I am not familiar with.

At this point, as I have mentioned many times over, I am in too deep so I will try matching with some people on Bumble whether as friends or dates and see where this goes. I am certainly excited about the end results. It is just so much undiscovered territory for me, and I am feeling adventurous.

As you probably can tell by now, this article will be part of a series since there is just so much more to report on and experience to gather. In the next article, I want to focus on swiping and matching. Let´s see how this goes.