Online Dating Pt. 2

Last time, I went on about an experiment I am conducting because I am just bloody bored. Now I finally dipped my feet into the water and started swiping left and right. When I was doing so I realized a few things.

The first thing being that I have been misled. Not all guys on dating apps look good. I am serious. All the pictures they chose are just overrated and cheesy as heck. I am not sure if all guys on dating apps are like that or just the few I saw.

Another thing that I am annoyed by is the fact that guys are vague as shirt. With the BFF profiles, I see people write prompts, chose pictures which said a lot about their personality and recorded audio. Those girls actually gave a crap about how their profiles looked.

With the guys I saw. Just nope. There were a few guys who wrote maybe one prompt but that is it. Nothing else. If you are lucky, you will get another picture with them flexing in front of a bathroom mirror. But that is pretty much it.

The basic details such as name, age and location are mandatory so that doesn’t count. Most guys have their height on their profile which just seems inflated because the average german man is 178m and it is unlikely that the majority of tall people are on dating apps.

Frankly, I am not the kind of person who likes to judge people based on appearances. When I meet people, I like to get to know them on a deeper level. If I don’t meet them, at least I can see their behaviour such as gait, posture, etc…

With dating apps, all you are given are those pictures, prompts and bios. Therefore, if someone leaves out the majority of it, how can anyone get to know the person before you decided if you want to get to know them further?

All those guys on Bumble are giving me is a picture. Currently, I am swiping through the matches wondering if I could meet someone who is not just a face but also a person. For reasons, I feel incredibly uncomfortable doing so.

It was not long before people started to like my profile. Surprisingly a lot of people started doing so. However, I am not even sure if that is for the right reasons. Because I have got the feeling that most people don’t even look further than the first picture. I guess the first impression does matter.

Another thing, I assume is that most people on Bumble do feel comfortable judging a book by its cover. Because I don’t believe anyone would in their right mind swipe right on the snarky comments I made on my profile.

An additional thing is that there is a general trend when it comes to guys on dating apps. The younger jocks who let their pictures do the talking and the older employed guys who spend more time on their profiles. There is no fit good-looking jock who spends time on their profiles. Just like how the employed guys won´t only use one picture.

As of this article writing, I am 20 so by younger guys I mean the guys who are my age and by older guys I mean 25-year-olds. Five years is where I would draw the line when it comes to age. Anything above is just too old to find common ground.

When I see a person who writes quirky prompts and has good pictures of themselves (not smoking or vaping), I know that I have hit the jackpot because the most genuine guys who are looking for relationships thus far wrote telling bios and interesting prompts.

After swiping through the endless matches that are bloody vague, there is bound to be someone I would swipe right on. To be fair, it happened sooner than later even though I explicitly remember that I swiped left on most matches.

Turns out that guy already swiped right on me and therefore it was an immediate match. Since it is bumble, I had to make the first move. Then comes the question of what to write? The unspoken rule of online dating is nothing too personal nor too serious.

I decided to write something true to me. Something funny and snarky. All I can say is that a funny question gets a funny answer. But that just got my hopes up because I believed he would be someone he is not. For instance, I thought he would be interesting.

In my defence, he did not give me a lot to go on in the first place so what the heck should I do? I can only ask this many questions and politely agree with him. I can only do so much which brings me to the next thing I have noticed.

Why it somehow always feels like the girl's responsibility to keep a conversation going? Every guy I have texted thus far just barely manage to put together three words as a response and that is it. Radio silence from here on out.

When I didn’t ask a question, they didn’t out of curiosity ask me a question in return. I can say for a fact that none of the guys knows anything about me besides that I am feeling just fine today, and I study chemistry in another city.

None of the guys seems to have the incentive to get to know the person they are texting. The sole purpose of dating apps is to get to know another person over the internet. Not responding just defies the whole purpose of why they are on that app in the first place.

Maybe it may seem that I am being nit-picky here, but I have managed to be matched with many guys and with every guy I specifically referenced their profiles but nothing. With every guy, I tried a different approach (acting cool, interested, indifferent, etc…) but nothing.

Now I am running low on ideas on how to talk to those supposed matches even though I am known for the fact that I could keep any conversation going if I wanted to. The question is now, do I want to? Because this feels pretty one-sided.

In my mind there are only two redeemable options, they are just slow responders or some personal thing kept them away from their phones for a while. That is it. I am not willing to put in the effort to get to know someone who does not give a crap when it comes to getting to know me.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some decent guys on that platform and they are just my type but they just text me once and stop. This is somewhat sad because I can see an interesting date with them but nope. Not happening now.

Then there are the people who I swiped right on and haven’t heard back from. That is just sad sometimes because, from their profile, I can tell they will be interesting. Some other times it is a blow to my self-esteem because why not me? What did I do wrong?

For the record, I know if someone didn’t swipe right on me, it does not necessarily have anything to do with me. I mean I swiped left on dozen upon dozens of guys without giving it a second thought. Sometimes, the insecure part of me resurfaces no matter how hard I try to bury her.

Amongst those guys who don´t respond under any circumstances, there are some really nice and decent guys who are willing to put in the time to talk with you, which is just so sweet at the same time the least they can do.

Since I am conducting an experiment out of curiosity, I got started to wonder about truly wanting to go on a date with one of those people. Obviously, I would want to do that one day. This whole experiment thing would fly out the window as soon as someone ask me out.

To be fair, I can see a potential relationship with the guys I am currently messaging. However, my insecurities won´t stay down. At the moment, I am texting four to five guys simultaneously and they probably know that, however, I am curious about how many girls they are texting.

I mean I managed to get matched with many guys but only a few are interesting enough to pursue. I have been ghosted by many more. I just started to wonder if I am in over my head because if those guys have many options, how likely is it that they would choose me?

Then there are some other guys who are way in over the head. Already asking for a date after a third message. Then there are some other guys who admitted that they never had any matches (it only makes you wonder what went wrong).

Frankly, online dating also brought out the worst in me. Someone constantly pining for attention. Someone who is rather way too fast and goal-oriented (I have been told relationships should take time). Just someone who can get her heart broken by a single rejection.

Over the years, I disciplined myself to not let any relationship get in the way of my goals and the things I need to do. It just feels as if now I am distracted and just waiting for that guy to respond. Any relationship of mine should fit into my life and not distract from my life too much. (A little distraction never hurts.)

I have no idea if I am just checking off a checklist with those guys, I am texting but to a certain extent, it feels as if I am. Where does he live, does he like dogs, where is his dream vacation, what does he do, etc… If those things don’t check out, then the effort will amount to nothing.

Let´s just say my parents weren’t wrong when they said I took a way too methodical approach to relationships. It is as if I can´t see beyond facts and figure to see the emotions and feelings. With online dating, this methodical approach is only amplified.

Not only am I only given facts and figures (when I am given any) but I cannot get to the emotions at all. Through the texts, you can interpret so much that it is basically useless to do so. The pictures are not a huge selling point for emotions either.

You might be thinking, that it would be great to be given a tool that helps me on my methodical journey to form a relationship. I mean you are certainly not wrong, and I am grateful for it but just because something is comfortable doesn’t mean it is right.

From experience, I can also affirm that my relationships never last long because I am not the most sympathetic nor the most emphatic person you can meet. Being solely about facts is not a way to form a long-term relationship, it forms short-term relationships which I am not looking for.

To be fair, even if I am dragging online dating through the mud sometimes, I get it. I get the appeal of searching for someone online. I get the appeal of seeing if other people find your pictures and interests appealing. I get the appeal of seeing and meeting others.

It can feel like a high seeing many people liking your profile. How many people could be potentially in a relationship with you. Just how many people see you and think that you are an interesting person to get to know.

At this moment, I am in too deep with this whole online dating schtick and maybe I will even take the experiment out of it because I can see potential relationships. And not only that but I got this tingly feeling whenever someone I am interested in texts me.

I have been told that the tingly feeling is normal when you are in too deep. Out of curiosity but also for personal reasons, I would want to continue online dating to see if it holds potential for people like me who still believes the old-fashioned way is better. We´ll see.