Reality
As a kid, I used to desperately want to move to Germany because of various reasons. The food, the climate, the living conditions, et cetera, et cetera because as a child being far away from school is the main reason a child desperately wants to move to another country.
But now that I have grown up to a certain extent and the rose-coloured glasses unwillingly fell off, I as a semi-adult have to face reality which seems somehow broken on so many levels. And I am trying to figure out why.
In this article, I do not intend to focus on one country solely. I mean I could write about how absolutely frustrating German Bureaucracy is even though I only had minimal experience with bureaucracy thus far in my life. Or I could write about the China-Taiwan conflict.
But I don’t write about those topics which broke my reality, and heart if I can be honest, since I don’t know enough about any topic to write a whole article about it. Technically I could do some research and figure out what exactly happened and why it broke my reality.
However, since my mental health has been slipping lately, I strongly advised myself against it. To be honest, I do watch and read the news on a regular basis but I just don’t want to dive head-first into a pool of conflicts and contractions dating back centuries.
Instead, I want to write about general topics affecting everyone in every country when they grow up and get to learn about the real world and its issues. I believe that statement is a bit overgeneralized. I want to write about topics affecting many when they grow up.
So let’s start from the beginning. What even is reality? Since reality itself is quite a complex concept to define and claiming that reality is broken or fractured to a certain extent is not a small claim to make.
The dictionary definition of reality is “the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.” Or “the state or quality of having existence or substance.” There is nothing wrong with the dictionary definition but let´s look at the definition from a “real” perspective.
From a scientific perspective, reality is just what is. It is the world as it exists now and physical laws which act upon it. Something so deeply rooted such as the scientific definition of reality can’t quite be broken.
Things do exist unless you want to argue that we all live in a simulation which I don’t want to do today so for the sake of simplicity let’s say things exist and so do the laws around them which makes up reality.
Now you may be wondering what could possibly be broken when things which make up reality exist. Even when things break they still exist within the reality it was broken in. So how can reality be broken? And when exactly is reality broken?
In this instance, I would say that everyone is different since what is fragmented is not reality itself but our perception of that said reality. Our reality, not the scientific reality, is formed by our own experiences, understanding and interpretation.
If the reality you see in front of your very eyes does not align with the principles you had in your mind, you may become disillusioned and claim that reality is broken even if the laws and things which make up reality are completely intact.
So if I want to tackle the question of what fragmented my reality for me, I believe we need to look for events which does not align with my understanding of reality. Some events could be unique to some people and I will try to stick to the more general ones.
So let’s start from the beginning again. During my childhood, I do believe I have been exposed to unpleasant realities such as climate change, plastic pollution and economic endeavours which have shaped my knowledge about the world we live in.
However, I do believe I received knowledge about the real world surrounding my childhood self in smaller doses. Not as much as watching the news every day but a quick mention from my family every now and then. Nothing big.
Nothing that could break a child´s belief that the world is defective. As every child should know, the world we live in is not perfect but we didn’t know back then that the world is on a path to self-destruction either.
Those, once in a while, mentioned real-life issues have hardened me off a bit but now in retrospect not enough. Since I believe if dreadful world events had normalised I would not say my reality has been fragmented.
There was something magical about being a child. Completely worry-free and oblivious to the world around you. But when the layers of reality start peeling back, the truth can reveal itself really quickly and in less than pleasant ways.
Once I found out what it meant to be alive, things started going downhill from here and fast. And I don’t believe that could change that fact for me no matter how hard I try to tell myself otherwise. No matter how much anyone tries to tell me as a matter of fact.
Growing up means that no matter how neck deep you are in your own crap you are the only one who can get yourself out of it. No matter how hard the people around you try, you are the only one who can get yourself out of it.
And if you don’t want to get yourself out of it you can stay in there forever. To be honest you would stay in there forever whether you want to or not. Now you probably will say but what about family members and friends or psychologists?
To that, I can only say sure if they can motivate you to get yourself out of your crap but I don’t believe they can do it for you. And as for psychologists, I believe they too can help you only if you want to get out yourself.
Honestly, I have become disillusioned by psychologists ever since visiting plenty of therapy sessions with many different psychologists. Therapy is not a cure for you but rather a handbook on how to get there.
I guess it is understandable that psychologists can only do so much but that most certainly didn’t align with my understanding of how the world works since up to my 18th birthday I believed that psychologists could make everything better.
Another thing I have become disillusioned with is probably society as a whole. As a child, you are told to be nice. Always say thank you if someone helps you and sorry if you made a mistake. And as a simple-minded child, we believed in the golden rule.
According to Wikipedia (since this is not an assignment, I believe I can use Wikipedia as I please (I just hope my teachers never read this)), the golden rule is the principle of treating others as one would want to be treated by them.
However, society has proven to me time and time again that the golden rule does not apply for some reason or another. Now, I don’t believe I have to be nice to people who have been rude to me. That sentiment goes against what my parents have taught me, and it just seems off.
As a child, you always assume that your parents are always right and always know everything. Now that I have grown up, I have realized that my parents are just humans too and they can be wrong or don’t know everything.
While growing up, you can also develop a different perspective from your parents, which feels odd but that is healthy since you have your own opinion and don’t just follow whatever people tell you to think or do.
However, it may fragment your reality even more when you and your parents start to argue about your position. For one, I have always believed that my parents would agree with my point of view no matter what since I am their child.
As it turns out, when their mind is set (not just parents but everyone really) there is nothing you can do or say to change their mind. And that is just sad to a certain extent. Because you get to see how divided people can be when in the past it didn’t seem possible.
To a certain extent, I believe people´s behaviour around children changes which also contributes to reality cracking. Everyone was so nice and cooperative when children were around and when you are an adult it seems like everyone is for themselves.
I guess many things just change when you see reality as it is and not through some childhood glasses for better or worse. Even if you want to return to the days when you didn’t know about so much, there is no way to forget everything you have learned over the years.
To a certain extent, it is not all bad. I mean as a child; I have always been told when I grow up I would get married, quit my job and have children which I can take care of. And I would only need to be a housewife to be happy in life.
Nevertheless, after gathering some knowledge and hearing about experiences, I don’t believe I have to walk down that path towards motherhood. I could if I wanted to but as of currently (and probably ever) I don’t.
Now that the days of playing with dolls have passed, I discovered that I could become anything I want to be. And as for me, I will become a scientist in one way or another. Get a STEAM job and I will observe, experiment and test to my heart's content without anyone telling me what I can and can´t do.
What makes childhood so special is the lack of contrast. We, back then, didn’t know what reality was since our understanding capabilities were not developed so we couldn’t interpret it which meant whatever we saw was exactly what it was. Nothing more and nothing less.
In a way that capability is just precious. It made the people possessing that capability oblivious but at least they are happy. One can start to argue if obliviousness is worth the happiness but not in this article. Until next time.